


Building Blocks

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Past Abuse, Spinel centric, getting better, talking it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22342423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I’ve got work to do.” She turned, hands pleadingly raised. “Friendship...isn’t gonna be easy for me. I’m gonna have to work at it- you make me wanna try, but…”She took in a deep breath, stabilizing for her admission. “I’ve already messed up bad with you. I wish I could just start from scratch with somebody…”And then she did.
Relationships: Blue Diamond & Spinel (Steven Universe)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	Building Blocks

**Author's Note:**

> Please keep in mind that a lot of the terms I'm going to be using in this (ex: love, relationship) are not meant in a romantic or sexual way uwu

_“I’ve got work to do.” She turned, hands pleadingly raised. “Friendship...isn’t gonna be easy for me. I’m gonna have to work at it- you make me wanna try, but…”_

_She took in a deep breath, stabilizing for her admission. “I’ve already messed up bad with you. I wish I could just start from scratch with somebody…”_

And then she did. Accepted into the Diamond’s fold with opened arms and baited breath, Spinel was free to do...to be, whatever she wanted. Free from the past; or at least given a head start from its chase. Never far behind, she felt it would always be. A looming presence at her heel, vines crawling forwards to grasp at her form; binding, constricting. But a head start was a head start, and Spinel would take what she could get. No more waiting, no more standing in place and watching as her problems overcame her. The only problem was…

Attachment. 

Attachment to the aches of her past, attachment to the raw present, attachment to the hopes of the future. Attachment to other gems. When Pink drifted, or more accurately _tore_ , away from her, she tore with her a piece of Spinel’s heart. That piece died with Pink, resurrected in an ugly and mangled knot of feeling in _Steven_. 

Steven was everything. He was her first love - no, not romantically, love is much broader than the churning of hearts - since Pink. He beckoned, and she followed. His every wish was her command, and she let her feelings ride on him so intensely that the betrayal knocked her off her high of love and sent Spinel crashing all the way back down, down, down. The fight atop the injector, her inevitable defeat. Steven was still a diamond after all, and diamonds got what they wanted, no matter what. 

“Spinel, what are you thinking about?” Blue, ever so blue. The blue earth sky, tainted by her crystal heart injector. That was her injector, truly - the one that made her. It was so fitting for Spinel’s creator to be the Earth’s unmaker, wasn’t it? 

“Spinel?” 

“Oh, shoot! You surprised me!” Spinel blubbered, blinking rapidly. Looking about to reconsume her surroundings, she noticed the gloved hand on her gem. Her hand. She must’ve grasped it in surprise. 

The blue giantess laughed, effervescent. “I noticed. Now I’m truly curious, what _are_ you thinking about?” 

Spinel flushed, black marks unchanged by her darkening cheeks. “Just- Earth. Steven. Y’know.” 

“Pink,” Blue completed, leaning down. The air displaced by Blue’s movements sent Spinel’s pigtails flapping in the wind like a hot pink flag, declaring everything she’d won and lost. How deep. 

Giant blue eyes like glittering seas filled Spinel’s vision, pupils like two twin islands separated by only the bridge of Blue’s nose. How such a colossal being could be so gentle, Spinel would never understand. Pink certainly wasn’t gentle. Not with her, not with her Pearls, and not with her family. 

“Tell me, Spinel. Do you love us?” Blue asked, innocent in intent, but damning all the same. “We say it all the time, but you never return the sentiment. I think Yellow is worried for you, but she’d…”

The rest of her words were lost on Spinel, but her quiet voice made for wonderful thinking noise. Like static, or more accurately the pulsing ocean tide. The moon’s breath. Crescendo, decrescendo - in and out, but ever present. 

Did she love the diamonds? Could she? 

Love. Love, love, love. The Crystal Gems were all about love. We love this, we love that. Did they even know the meaning of Love anymore? Was love lost by its spreading of so many things? Or was it lost on Spinel, trying to constrict and contort it to fit her view. Love, love, love. 

_“Friendship...isn’t gonna be easy for me.”_

Damn right. 

“Spinel?” 

Blue, again. 

Shame washed over her, and a tear, unprompted by any Diamond aura, bubbled under her brow. Spinel raised her hands to clench at her face in an attempt to hide her shame - her tears. Blue responded promptly. Not reaching to remove Spinel’s hands, but to pull the gem in with sweeping hands and pull Spinel close to her chest. 

Taken aback by this display of comfort and protection, Spinel’s walls crumbled. Crumbling in the face of safety. Tears, hot and inky, spilled down her face, and Blue held her tighter - but not crushingly so. 

“Shh, shh, shh…” Blue soothed. What felt like an aura, not saddening with the weight of Blue’s grief but warming with the heat of her love. There it was again! That dreaded word! (Spinel knew deeper that love was more than just a word to be feared, but that in itself was a knowledge to be feared.)

“It’s just-” Spinel sobbed, curling in tighter on herself, “I don’t know if I _can!_ ” 

The truth of her statement hit her harder than anything she’d yet to experience. Pink was something she was expecting, at least on a subconscious level. How could she not expect it, after six _thousand_ years? Blue was not. She wanted to feel that _love_ , that devotion again, but she just _couldn’t_. Not again. Not after everything. 

“Sweetheart,” Blue endeared, petting her back with a single digit. “You don’t have to say ‘I love you’, I’m sorry if I hurt you-”

Spinel couldn’t see her face, but she had the clearest notion that she’d just broken Blue’s heart. 

“No! It’s not you- It’s- It’s everything! I don’t know if I can- If I can let myself, _be-_ be that vulnerable again after- after Pink! You’ll- someone will leave, and I’ll be _alone,_ **_unwanted_ ** _, again. I just can’t_ do it.” The last few words trailed off into a hushed and raspy keening. No howling wail, no breathless sob. Just the quiet defeat of a gem pushed too far. 

“I know, darling. I know.” Blue pressed quietly. Gentle, as though not to push her any further. “I’m still sorry to have put that pressure on you, knowingly or otherwise.”

“But-”

“No buts, hear me out. If you truly want to go, then leave, I will not stop you, but please hear me out.” The giantess’ hands opened around Spinel’s small body, exposing her to the light. Blinking, Spinel realized that at some point Blue had transitioned to leaning against the corridor wall, huddled and protective. 

The lapse in dialogue woke her senses, and Spinel realized Blue was waiting for her input. A choice. Spinel’s choice, truly. To stay or go. It didn’t take the mind of a Peridot for Spinel to figure out she didn’t want to go just yet. A drooping arm stretched backwards to reach for the Diamond’s thumb, pressing it close to her form in an awkward hug. 

Blue sighed, some sort of tension leaving her frame, and they spoke.

The spoke, and they stayed, piecing together the building blocks of a life to-be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the effervescent was a Twilight reference. There's not a concise conclusion for this yet because there hasn't been one for me, and I don't know what I want to hear from the 'Blue Diamond' in my life, y'know? But here's a weirdly personal fic that no one asked for. Hope this read well, and that you're having a good night.


End file.
